omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
