OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
