Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
