Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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