Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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