Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
