im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
