I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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