It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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