low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
