Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
