none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
