When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
