Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
