i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
