butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
