Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
