You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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