Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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