my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My bed smells like the plague
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