i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize
