So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
