Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
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