I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
