I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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