I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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