My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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