For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
