did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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