I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
