I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
