I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
