im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
