I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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