Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
