Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
