You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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