I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
