Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
