So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
