I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
