Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
