Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
