i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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