Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
