The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
