Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
