WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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