I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
