i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
