If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
being pregnant is like rehab
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
