I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
