Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
