Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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