ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
