I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
