god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize
