ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
