the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
