the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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