She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Can I color on your dick again?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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