You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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