And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
