I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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