it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
