I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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