i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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