It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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