I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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