everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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