thus making me awesome and them whores
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
