We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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