He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I wish you could order shots online.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?