Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.