I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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