this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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