His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
