My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
