It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
