I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
