Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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