Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
