ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
