I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
