If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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