i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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