So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
