Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
