He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
