All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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