He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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