at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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