Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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